[PSUBS-MAILIST] Review of Scathing Email

[S W <stephenwhite20@yahoo.com>]

--- SFreihof@aol.com wrote:
> I don't know who you're talking to, and I don't know
> what you're talking 
> about, but one thing from your post is astoundingly
> clear:
> 
> You, sir, are a pompous ass who thinks less than you
> know you think, and 
> knows less than you think you know.  You would shut
> down discourse to 
> preserve your imagined superiority, with nothing
> more substantive than insult 
> cloaked as constructive criticism.
> 
> If you can't see the benefit of exploration by, of,
> and about submarines, 
> then really aren't you missing the entire point of
> this site?
> 
> Now, let's see how well you take some criticism,
> hypocrite.
> 
> Stan

Stan, 
  I was very impressed with your use of grammar and
language in this email. I would like to comment on a
few points, however. 
  First, let me compliment you on your sentence
structure and your excellent introduction in the first
paragraph. A minor note, your use of the word 'who' is
incorrect as it is being used in the objective case,
not the nominative. Properly written, the line should
read, "I don't know whom you're talking to..."
Your vivid word choice brings your opening paragraph
to life, but the sentence is a bit long and could be
broken into two or more phrases to help it flow
better.
  Good use of direct address in the second paragraph!
Your statements, however, quickly become convoluted
and leave the reader to wonder what point you are
attempting to make. I suggest omitting the witty part,
"...who thinks less than you know you think, and knows
less than you think you know." Although this would
prove to be a unique and effective reprimand if worded
better, in it's present state it lacks the clarity
needed to convey your disapproval of the recipient's
perceived knowledge. 
  Other than this small issue, your second paragraph
is perfect and conveys your meaning quite well. My
compliments on your extensive vocabulary!
Your concluding paragraph is superb! The rhetorical
question sums up the purpose of the email while
maintaining that gratifying sting that is so evident
throughout the paper. With a little work, I think this
could be an excellent scathing email.
92%

-Steve



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