Re: flaming (or, if you prefer, "flamming")

[David Buchner <Buchner@wcta.net>]

Just a little procedural comment. I'm way behind in reading the list; my
tractor and I have been busy with spring mud. Please excuse my ducking in
with one little non-submarine observation -- but I've just been itching to
tell somebody this. In my catching-up, I've come across quite a lot of
"ducking," "Please don't flame me"s, and "fire proof suit"s. Someone
commented:
>> As a new comer to this group, what is all this about flaming?

Exactly. I've never seen anything I'd call flaming at all on this list. No,
not even the guy who threatened to talk to his lawyer. Well, okay, maybe
him. Disagreement does not equal flaming. Arguing does not equal flaming.
Flaming would be more abusive, like, "You dumb &%^$@#! You can't build a
submarine out of Campbell's Soup cans! You must be a ^$%^$%^## if you think
anyone's going to listen to your $%#*& and {}*&^*&^. What, did your mother
&^#@@ with a &^*&% and then *&^&^% you too? God, you're stupid. Why don't
you just shut up because everybody knows you're a big &^^@# and you *(&^
&^%%$ too!"

Or something like that. If there were a lot of flamers on this list, then
when "the wives" tossed a few jokes back and forth a while back, they would
have been drowned out by twice as many messages about clogging up the list
with irrelevant chatter and I don't have time for this's and I'm
unsubscribing's. This did not happen, which is a good indication that the
list is healthy. There were a few petulant voices a while ago, who piped up
for no more interesting or useful reason than to complain that nobody was
saying anything interesting or useful to them, but that's not exactly
flaming but another bizarre internet phenomenon and it didn't last long
anyway.

I've noticed this with my flesh-and-blood friends. Nobody dares speak up or
disagree, because they think that constitutes "confrontation," which they
for some reason believe is the opposite of friendly and civil. When did
everybody become so fragile... or when did they start feeling *everybody
else* is so fragile? What happened to groups of friends debating ideas?
What happened to a friend being the only person you could count on to tell
you when you're fulla poo? Somebody who automatically agrees with you about
everything and doesn't tell you when you're being stupid, to avoid stepping
on your toes lest you decide to hate them, isn't doing you any good. This
goes way beyond "civil" and right on into "squish-headed."

I have to think this oversensitivity, this distaste for debate, is part of
the general retreat from rationality going on all around us.

So please everyone, stop worrying about flaming and stop padding every
disagreement with an apology. Take a stand. Nobody should be *that*
delicate. Myself, I'm glad so many folks have been so "harsh" about safety
and about being headstrong  and ignoring those who tell me I have no idea
what I'm doing, and who just won't shut up about SCUBA certification. Even
if I still don't take their advice, I've already become aware that there's
all kinds of things, important things, that would have never, ever occurred
to me. Like that holding-your-breath-while-swimming-to-the-surface
business. It makes me wonder what else might be lurking out there waiting
to kill me, and take it all more seriously. Maybe this wouldn't have gotten
through to me if they were being more "gentle" and being careful not to
squash my ego.

That's just my opinion, of course I could be wrong. I sure hope you're not
mad at me. Don't hate me. I don't mean to  be confrontational so please
don't flame me.


---------
David
buchner@wcta.net
http://customer.wcta.net/buchner
Osage MN USA